Hey, so far so good!

I have no complaints. I run with thirty year olds women but win the awards. I came in 2nd in my age group 60-64 in the Run for Sight last weekend. Two years ago I won first place. So, I'm inspired to shed a few pounds and pump my muscles and boost my stamina. I know I can do it.

Actually, for my age, I do have a sound great looking body..just need to lose a couple of pounds so my stomach muscles are more pronounces. I love the curl ups weight machine because I can feel it pull in my stomach muscles. I love it! It tells me that I am gaining ground.

Yes, I was excited and so inspired after I came in second place. First place is not my goal for the Zoo run. Although three years ago when I did it I saw lots of competition. Three years ago I was seeing a 35 year old. She was very good for me then.

You see, I do get what I need from the universe. That 35 year old was put into my life for a reason. I missed out of my lesbian 30's. I was pretending to be straight then - you know social pressures. Well, I thought all lesbians were butch dyke's and I'm not.

I have a heart for the heart of a woman. I can' help I get crushes on women. Show me a beautiful heterosexual couple and I'll long for her. And I'll think, what's in it for her. You see, I need the softness and the warmth and the show of emotions from women. Women are just so much more in tuned.

Sorry, but it's true. I dated many men and I did love the last guy I dated. He loved me. He was very handsome and I felt very feminine when I was with him. It was easier to be straight. And the sex was good. But, something was missing - the touch of a woman. Yes, I hide crushes I had on my women friends. If only my best friend knew. I was afraid to let on; what if she was disgusted with the idea then I would lose her and my whole circle of friends. So, my heart ached and I longed for the impossible. I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I hide my feelings my whole entire life. Love was out of reach for me. Yes, it's enough to make me depressed and sad and I was. All the women I ever cared about ended up with men to "never, never know the one who loves you so, no you don't know me". I think someone wrote that song for closeted gays and lesbians.

But time starts now and I can't do anything about the past. I don't usually even think of it. It was another world away. I don't if I ever find love - now. Well, let's face it the pickings are slim. Most women my age or ill, out of shape, grabby, married, or extreme butch. Yes, seems older lesbians think they have to wear flannel. Or they are all partnered up. Men tend to roam more whereas women pair up with life partners. So, there again - slim pickings or no pickings.

It's it's okay. I'm difficult in a relationship anyway. I tend to "go along" and lose myself and gain at least ten pounds. Yes!

On my own I eat when and what I want. I love my independence - so my heart will just have to ache. Hey, I'll run, swim or bike to mass the pain. I have many wonderful friends - mostly lesbian couples. But, that's just the way it goes.

I was happy when I was seeing M whom I saw for about a year and a half. But, I think we both tried to make more of our afternoon delights and began doing activities together - you know like dating. And it messed up the whole afternoon delight mentality of it all. Once a week; one afternoon worked for close to a year though and it was wonderful.

Well, I would do it again and yes, she was married. But, at this point not with her; I need warm and feminine and lovely.